Upcoming Games of Interest, volume 16 (December 2009)

The following is a list of games I have some interest in that are being released in 2009 or 2010. Games marked in bold are definite buys, while games not marked in bold require waiting to see if they will be good or not.

The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks (12/7/09) DS
MAG (1/26/10) Playstation 3
APB (March 2010) PC
Pokémon HeartGold and SoulSilver (Q2 2010) DS
Metroid: Other M (2010) Wii
Super Mario Galaxy 2 (2010) Wii
Crysis 2 (2010) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
StarCraft II: Wings of Liberty (2010) PC
Zelda Wii (TBA) Wii
Metal Gear Solid: Rising (TBA) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
StarCraft II: Heart of the Swarm (TBA) PC
StarCraft II: Legacy of the Void (TBA) PC

Master Chief Sucks at Rescue Missions

Upcoming Games of Interest, volume 15 (November 2009)

The following is a list of games I have some interest in that are being released in 2009 or 2010. Games marked in bold are definite buys, while games not marked in bold require waiting to see if they will be good or not.

Modern Warfare 2 (11/10/09) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks (12/7/09) DS
MAG (1/26/10) Playstation 3
APB (March 2010) PC
Pokémon HeartGold and SoulSilver (Q2 2010) DS
Metroid: Other M (2010) Wii
Super Mario Galaxy 2 (2010) Wii
Crysis 2 (2010) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
StarCraft II: Wings of Liberty (2010) PC
Zelda Wii (TBA) Wii
Metal Gear Solid: Rising (TBA) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
StarCraft II: Heart of the Swarm (TBA) PC
StarCraft II: Legacy of the Void (TBA) PC

Master Chief Sucks at Shopping

Upcoming Games of Interest, volume 14 (October 2009)

The following is a list of games I have some interest in that are being released in 2009 or 2010. Games marked in bold are definite buys, while games not marked in bold require waiting to see if they will be good or not.

Modern Warfare 2 (11/10/09) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks (12/7/09) DS
MAG (1/26/10) Playstation 3
APB (March 2010) PC
Pokémon HeartGold and SoulSilver (Q2 2010) DS
Metroid: Other M (2010) Wii
Super Mario Galaxy 2 (2010) Wii
Crysis 2 (2010) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
StarCraft II: Wings of Liberty (2010) PC
Zelda Wii (TBA) Wii
Metal Gear Solid: Rising (TBA) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
StarCraft II: Heart of the Swarm (TBA) PC
StarCraft II: Legacy of the Void (TBA) PC

Master Chief Sucks at Ordering: Two Years

Two years ago today I uploaded a video called "Master Chief Sucks at Ordering McDonalds" to Youtube and had absolutely no idea what I was getting into.

That video was supposed to be a one-off attempt at copying DigitalPh33r's Master Chief Sucks at Halo series (now known as Arby 'n' the Chief) and Ninjaadventures' "Master Chief Sucks at Plumbing." What I didn't anticipate was making three seasons worth of videos and trying my hand at actual serial storytelling for a wide audience. I find it ironic that part 5 of Arby 'n' the Chief's series finale is airing today.

As you are hopefully aware by now, season 3 is the final season of Master Chief Sucks at Ordering. The three-part series finale will air in May 2010. In hopes of having a better, more structured and paced story, I've been working backwards. Part 3 of the finale is already complete, and parts 1 and 2 are outlined. Since I have a goal to work towards, the eight episodes between now and then will be of a higher story quality. And since I won't have to suddenly shoehorn in plotlines when they aren't needed, there will be more time for jokes and comedy. Hopefully this plan will be easier for me to make the series and more fun for you to watch.

Unlike last year, when I released a one-year anniversary movie, there is no video for you this year. Instead, I have an offer for you.

Every person who subscribes to my Youtube account, UltraHyperShadow, before May 1, 2010 will get their name in a special section of the credits of the final episode of the show. As I write this, there are currently 83 subscribers. If you're even reading this, you're probably subscribed anyway. I've always thought it was interesting how some movies have a "fanclub" section of their credits listing all the fans of the series, as the fans are really the most important part of the entire process. So I felt it'd only be appropriate to do it here, too. Again, you must be subscribed on May 1, 2010, which is the date I'm taking all the names. If you unsubscribe before then, you won't get in.

This is just my small way of trying to thank the many people who have driven me to continue making this odd little series for two years. But don't get too melancholy about the ending just yet: there are still eight episodes between now and the finale in May. On that note, I thought I'd post a tentative schedule for the rest of the season:

Episode 3 (Master Chief Sucks at Shopping): October 14, 2009
Episode 4: November 2009
Episode 5: January 2010
Episode 6: February 2010
Episode 7: February 2010
Episode 8: March 2010
Episode 9: March 2010
Episode 10: April 2010
Episode 11/12/13: May 2010

Master Chief Meets Guilty Spark

Master Chief Sucks at Ordering Burger King

MCSAO Season 3 Countdown!

Upcoming Games of Interest, volume 13 (September 2009)

The following is a list of games I have some interest in that are being released in 2009 or 2010. Games marked in bold are definite buys, while games not marked in bold require waiting to see if they will be good or not.

Modern Warfare 2 (11/10/09) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks (Q4 2009) DS
MAG (1/26/10) Playstation 3
APB (March 2010) PC
Metroid: Other M (2010) Wii
Super Mario Galaxy 2 (2010) Wii
Crysis 2 (2010) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
Pokémon HeartGold and SoulSilver (2010) DS
StarCraft II: Wings of Liberty (2010) PC
Zelda Wii (TBA) Wii
Metal Gear Solid: Rising (TBA) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
StarCraft II: Heart of the Swarm (TBA) PC
StarCraft II: Legacy of the Void (TBA) PC

Master Chief Sucks at Recaps

Meet the Ancients Episode 4: Reggie Fils-Aime

Upcoming Games of Interest, volume 12 (August 2009)

The following is a list of games I have some interest in that are being released in 2009 or 2010. Games marked in bold are definite buys, while games not marked in bold require waiting to see if they will be good or not.

Metroid Prime Trilogy (8/24/09) Wii
Modern Warfare 2 (11/10/09) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks (Q4 2009) DS
APB (March 2010) PC
Metroid: Other M (2010) Wii
Super Mario Galaxy 2 (2010) Wii
Crysis 2 (2010) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
Pokémon HeartGold and SoulSilver (2010) DS
StarCraft II: Wings of Liberty (2010) PC
MAG (2010) Playstation 3
Zelda Wii (TBA) Wii
Metal Gear Solid: Rising (TBA) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
StarCraft II: Heart of the Swarm (TBA) PC
StarCraft II: Legacy of the Void (TBA) PC

Season 3 poster

??????

Meet the Ancients Press Releases

"Meet the Ancients Episode 1: Oprah Winfrey" - Famous talk show host Oprah Winfrey interviews Ronald McDonald. "Meet the Ancients" stars Audacity Rich as Ronald McDonald. Guest starring is AT&T Claire as Oprah Winfrey. (June 26, 2009)

"Meet the Ancients Episode 2: Steve Jobs" - Steve Jobs, owner of Apple, reveals strange new products at the Macworld conference. "Meet the Ancients" stars Audacity Rich as Ronald McDonald. Guest starring are Talkany Little Man as Steve Jobs and Talkany Whiner as Businessman. (July 10, 2009)

"Meet the Ancients Episode 3: Bill Gates" - The owner of Microsoft, Bill Gates, reveals his own revolutionary products to consumers. "Meet the Ancients" stars Audacity Rich as Ronald McDonald. Guest starring are LH Michael as Bill Gates and Talkany Whiner as Businessman. (July 24, 2009)

"Meet the Ancients Episode 4: Reggie Fils-Aime" - Reggie Fils-Aime, President of Nintendo of America, explains his company's surprising video game lineup for 2009. "Meet the Ancients" stars Audacity Rich as Ronald McDonald. Guest starring are AT&T Mike as Reggie Fils-Aime, Talkany Mellow as Journalist, and AT&T Rich as the King. (August 7, 2009)

Meet the Ancients Episode 3: Bill Gates

Meet the Ancients Episode 2: Steve Jobs

Upcoming Games of Interest, volume 11 (July 2009)

The following is a list of games I have some interest in that are being released in 2009 or 2010. Games marked in bold are definite buys, while games not marked in bold require waiting to see if they will be good or not.

Watchmen: The End is Nigh - Part 2 (7/29/09) PC, Xbox Live Arcade, Playstation Store
Metroid Prime Trilogy (8/24/09) Wii
Modern Warfare 2 (11/10/09) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
MAG (11/09) Playstation 3
The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks (2009) DS
StarCraft II: Wings of Liberty (2009) PC
APB (Q1 2010) PC
Metroid: Other M (2010) Wii
Super Mario Galaxy 2 (2010) Wii
Pokémon HeartGold and SoulSilver (2010) DS
Zelda Wii (TBA) Wii
Crysis 2 (TBA) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
Metal Gear Solid: Rising (TBA) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
StarCraft II: Heart of the Swarm (TBA) PC
StarCraft II: Legacy of the Void (TBA) PC

Meet the Ancients Episode 1: Oprah Winfrey

Meet the Ancients!

"Meet the Ancients" is a new short series that will be premiering on June 26 and will run through August. Unlike the Master Chief Minisodes from last summer, which were merely side stories set between seasons 1 and 2, "Meet the Ancients" is a brand new spinoff focusing on the Ancients, the new group of villains introduced at the end of season 2. The episodes will be seperate from the main series, but will provide backstory on these new characters. Tune in on June 26 for the first episode.



Also, don't forget the new teaser for season 3:

??????

Upcoming Games of Interest, volume 10 (June 2009)

The following is a list of games I have some interest in that are being released in 2009 or 2010. Games marked in bold are definite buys, while games not marked in bold require waiting to see if they will be good or not.

Watchmen: The End is Nigh - Part 2 (7/09) PC, Xbox Live Arcade, Playstation Store
Metroid Prime Trilogy (8/24/09) Wii
Modern Warfare 2 (11/10/09) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
MAG (Q3 2009) Playstation 3
The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks (2009) DS
StarCraft II: Wings of Liberty (2009) PC
APB (Q1 2010) PC
Metroid: Other M (2010) Wii
Super Mario Galaxy 2 (2010) Wii
Pokémon HeartGold and SoulSilver (2010) DS
Zelda Wii (TBA) Wii
Crysis 2 (TBA) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
Metal Gear Solid: Rising (TBA) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
StarCraft II: Heart of the Swarm (TBA) PC
StarCraft II: Legacy of the Void (TBA) PC

Master Chief Sucks at Ordering: What's next?

Now that season 2 is over, it's time to look ahead to the third and final season. Here's what's coming up:

Over the summer at an unspecified date, "Master Chief Sucks at Recaps" will be released. This is not an actual episode, but a recap of the series so far narrated by the King.

In September, season 3 will begin. It will run for 12 episodes through May 2010. The final three episodes, which will be titled "Master Chief Sucks at Everything (Parts 1, 2, and 3)," will all be released on the same day.

Thanks for watching the series so far, and stay tuned for season 3!

Master Chief: The Second Finale

Master Chief Sucks at Ordering: Season 2 Press Releases

"Master Chief Sucks at Escaping Prison" – Master Chief is back in the action-packed premiere of season 2! After being captured by the King, Master Chief is locked in a maximum security prison. Now he must find a way to escape and stop the King's evil plan! "Master Chief Sucks at Ordering" stars Microsoft Sam as Master Chief, Microsoft Mike as the Arbiter, Microsoft Mary as Cortana, and AT&T Rich as the King. Guest starring are Talkany Man as Tom Cruise, Audacity Charles as Barack Obama, and Jason Alexander as George Costanza. (September 1, 2008)

"Master Chief Sucks at Voting" – Master Chief is forced to pick a side when Barack Obama and John McCain go head to head in an epic battle. But who will be elected president in the end? "Master Chief Sucks at Ordering" stars Microsoft Sam as Master Chief, Microsoft Mike as the Arbiter, Microsoft Mary as Cortana, and AT&T Rich as the King. Guest starring are Audacity Charles as Barack Obama, Audacity Mike as John McCain, AT&T Mike as Joe Biden, and AT&T Lauren as Sarah Palin. (November 4, 2008)

"Master Chief Meets the Network" – Master Chief learns about the secret organization pulling the strings behind all world events. But when the new president is threatened by their plot, will Master Chief be able to save him? "Master Chief Sucks at Ordering" stars Microsoft Sam as Master Chief, Microsoft Mike as the Arbiter, Microsoft Mary as Cortana, and AT&T Rich as the King. Guest starring are Audacity Charles as Barack Obama, AT&T Crystal as Hillary Clinton, AT&T Mike as Joe Biden, Talkany Nerd as Jack Thompson, Chad Warden as himself, James Rolfe as the Angry Video Game Nerd, Chris Hansen as himself, Audacity Mike as John McCain, Talkany Whiner as Assassin, and Talkany Singing Girl as Newscaster. (November 22, 2008)

"Master Chief vs the Superweapon" – Master Chief and his allies must stop the King from activating his superweapon. But all is not as it seems, and they may already be too late. "Master Chief Sucks at Ordering" stars Microsoft Sam as Master Chief, Microsoft Mike as the Arbiter, Microsoft Mary as Cortana, AT&T Rich as the King, and AT&T Crystal as Hillary Clinton. Guest starring are Talkany Man as Tom Cruise and AT&T Mike as Narrator. (January 17, 2009)

"Master Chief Sucks at Time Travel" – Master Chief begins to experience strange side effects after going through the portal. Meanwhile, the Arbiter and Cortana attempt to find the King. "Master Chief Sucks at Ordering" stars Microsoft Sam as Master Chief, Microsoft Mike as the Arbiter, Microsoft Mary as Cortana, AT&T Rich as the King, and AT&T Crystal as Hillary Clinton. Guest starring are Talkany Big Robot as CATS, Talkany Nerd as Jack Thompson, AT&T Charles as L. Ron Hubbard, AT&T Mike as McDonalds employee, Talkany Strong Man as Sergeant Johnson, and Talkany Woman as Secretary. (February 13, 2009)

"Master Chief Sucks at Constants" – Master Chief attempts to find his way back to the present while the Arbiter and Cortana try to stabilize his erratic jumps through time. "Master Chief Sucks at Ordering" stars Microsoft Sam as Master Chief, Microsoft Mike as the Arbiter, Microsoft Mary as Cortana, AT&T Rich as the King, and AT&T Crystal as Hillary Clinton. Guest starring are Audacity Charles as Barack Obama, AT&T Mike as Joe Biden, Talkany Man as Tom Cruise, Chad Warden as himself, James Rolfe as the Angry Video Game Nerd, and Chris Hansen as himself. (February 27, 2009)

"Master Chief Sucks at Super Smash Bros." – Master Chief and the King discuss Super Smash Bros. Brawl, the game CATS wanted cancelled, as they debate Master Chief's purpose. "Master Chief Sucks at Ordering" stars Microsoft Sam as Master Chief, Microsoft Mike as the Arbiter, Microsoft Mary as Cortana, AT&T Rich as the King, and AT&T Crystal as Hillary Clinton. Guest starring are Talkany Man as Tom Cruise, Chad Warden as himself, James Rolfe as the Angry Video Game Nerd, and Chris Hansen as himself. (March 10, 2009)

"Master Chief Sucks at Computers" – Master Chief, the Arbiter, and Cortana attempt to deactivate the Ark before the King can use its powers for evil. "Master Chief Sucks at Ordering" stars Microsoft Sam as Master Chief, Microsoft Mike as the Arbiter, Microsoft Mary as Cortana, AT&T Rich as the King, and AT&T Crystal as Hillary Clinton. Guest starring are James Rolfe as the Angry Video Game Nerd, Chris Hansen as himself, Talkany Strong Man as Sergeant Johnson, and Talkany Hyper Male as Guard. (March 23, 2009)

"Master Chief vs Hillary Clinton" – Master Chief and Hillary Clinton have a duel to the death as the Ark’s laser prepares to fire. "Master Chief Sucks at Ordering" stars Microsoft Sam as Master Chief, Microsoft Mike as the Arbiter, Microsoft Mary as Cortana, AT&T Rich as the King, and AT&T Crystal as Hillary Clinton. Guest starring are James Rolfe as the Angry Video Game Nerd, Chris Hansen as himself, and Audacity Rich as Ron. (April 20, 2009)

"Master Chief Sucks at Remakes 2" - Master Chief's second adventure remade with better audio. "Master Chief Sucks at Ordering" stars Microsoft Sam as Master Chief, Microsoft Mike as the Arbiter, Microsoft Mary as Cortana, AT&T Rich as the King, and AT&T Crystal as Hillary Clinton. (May 8, 2009)

"Master Chief: The Second Finale (Parts 1 and 2)" - Master Chief, the Arbiter, and Cortana ready themselves for a confrontation for the ages with the King himself in the epic season 2 climax! As the Ark’s laser prepares to fire, the forces of good must save the world once again! "Master Chief Sucks at Ordering" stars Microsoft Sam as Master Chief, Microsoft Mike as the Arbiter, Microsoft Mary as Cortana, AT&T Rich as the King, and AT&T Crystal as Hillary Clinton. Guest starring are Talkany Nerd as Jack Thompson, Talkany Man as Tom Cruise, James Rolfe as the Angry Video Game Nerd, Chris Hansen as himself, Talkany Strong Man as Sergeant Johnson, and Audacity Rich as Ron. (May 15, 2009)

Master Chief Sucks at Remakes 2

Upcoming Games of Interest, volume 9 (May 2009)

The following is a list of games I have some interest in that are being released in 2009 or 2010. Games marked in bold are definite buys, while games not marked in bold require waiting to see if they will be good or not.

Watchmen: The End is Nigh II (7/09) PC, Xbox Live Arcade, Playstation Store
Modern Warfare 2 (11/10/09) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
MAG: Massive Action Game (Q3 2009) Playstation 3
Metroid Prime (2009) Wii
Metroid Prime 2: Echoes (2009) Wii
The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks (2009) DS
APB (2009) PC
Pokémon HeartGold and SoulSilver (2010) DS
StarCraft II: Wings of Liberty (TBA) PC
StarCraft II: Heart of the Swarm (TBA) PC
StarCraft II: Legacy of the Void (TBA) PC
Star Wars: Battlefront III (Possibly cancelled) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3, Wii
Timesplitters 4 (Possibly cancelled) Xbox 360, Playstation 3, Wii

Master Chief vs Hillary Clinton

Master Chief Sucks at Ordering Wiki

The Master Chief Sucks at Ordering Wiki is new and improved as a full Wikia site. It can be found at http://masterchiefsucks.wikia.com!

Upcoming Games of Interest, volume 8 (April 2009)

The following is a list of games I have some interest in that are being released in 2009. Games marked in bold are definite buys, while games not marked in bold require waiting to see if they will be good or not.

Watchmen: The End is Nigh II (7/09) PC, Xbox Live Arcade, Playstation Store
Modern Warfare 2 (11/10/09) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
Metroid Prime (2009) Wii
Metroid Prime 2: Echoes (2009) Wii
The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks (2009) DS
LostMagic Wii (2009) Wii
StarCraft II: Wings of Liberty (2009) PC
APB (2009) PC
MAG: Massive Action Game (2009) Playstation 3
StarCraft II: Heart of the Swarm (TBA) PC
StarCraft II: Legacy of the Void (TBA) PC
Star Wars: Battlefront III (Possibly cancelled) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3, Wii
Timesplitters 4 (Possibly cancelled) Xbox 360, Playstation 3, Wii

Master Chief Sucks at Computers

Master Chief Sucks at Super Smash Bros.

Watchmen--Review

Well, my brain has finally restructured itself, and I think I can type some coherent thoughts.

My memory of the movie is a bit foggy, especially during the first ten minutes or so, which was mostly spent with the thought “THIS IS FUCKING WATCHMEN” running through my head repeatedly. Obviously, I have to see it again to make a detailed analysis from an objective viewpoint and not from the viewpoint of a seven year fan more concerned with not pissing himself than actually critiquing the movie.

The opening fight between Blake and the “mask killer” is stunning. It takes a few punches to get used to Zack Snyder's 300-brand signature “slow-mo speed up,” which doesn't happen nearly as much as I feared it would, but as soon as I got in the groove of the style I was swept up by watching this epic fight actually play out. Yes, it's a bit “over the top” in places like Blake punching through the corner of his fireplace or being strong-armed into his coffee table, but I got into the mentality of watching it as an exaggerated commentary on superhero fight scenes. You see things like this in The Dark Knight and other “serious” superhero movies, but nobody bleeds, there's no sense they're being injured. On the other hand, Blake's final moments had me cringe with awesomeness (and pity) at times because you can really see him getting the shit knocked out of him. Seeing him go through the window was chilling.

After this comes the awesome opening montage, a very Forrest Gump-like merging of the superheroes (Minutemen and Crimebusters/Watchmen) with various historical events. I'd already heard about most of them, but it was still intriguing to see them in context with the Bob Dylan song playing over the credits montage. After this we pick up in the main story. This is where the movie's main “problem,” the pacing, becomes evident. I say “problem” in quotation marks because this theatrical cut of the movie, at 2 hours and 37 minutes, is not the full movie, and not the “finished product.” Much of the little snippets that have been cut are from the middle chapters. This makes the movie's content very frontloaded—Chapters I, II, and III feel like an hour (and they might be, I wasn't checking the time) when you incorporate the flashbacks during Blake's funeral. The flashbacks, by the way, are very well done, and shot-for-shot from the book.

Dr. Manhattan's interview with the reporters feels truncated, and I understand that it's longer in the extended cut. At some points it feels that instead of hitting the “main points” of each scene, they simply go through 90% of the dialogue straight from the book as nods to the fans, but then leave the often-pivotal final 10% off suddenly as they run out of time. Again, all this will obviously be fixed in the director's cut version of the movie. It never really harms the movie that much, but I can tell where a scene is supposed to be longer.

Anyway, Dr. Manhattan's flashbacks are better than I ever expected they would be. They play along the disjointed time narrative just like the book, but this sequence knows where to take liberties from the book. For example, the slow-motion falling photograph is not in the movie: in a comic book with panels that can be done perfectly; in a movie it would look cliché. Adrian's assassination attempt is one of the first examples of a scene being done more dramatically than the book for the purpose of pleasing the fratboys expecting X-Men 4. At first I was iffy on this altered scene, but as I replay it in my head I like it more and more. Had this scene been done shot-for-shot like the book, it would have been very short and anticlimactic. Rorschach's arrest and prison scenes are some of the best in the movie, as are his flashbacks, though I wish the Malcolm Long interview was longer. It's not confirmed, but I bet this is one of those director's cut additions.

At this point I feel I should mention the violence, considering Rorschach's flashbacks. The violence is very Tarantino-style. Again, it's something you have to get used to, but it doesn't take long. You feel like it's being exaggerated for the purpose of deconstruction, again bringing back the TDK reference and how this movie is trying to show what actually happens when you bend someone's arm backwards or shove a cleaver in their head. I should also mention the music here because it fits very well into the movie. Having listened to the soundtrack almost continuously the past few days, I was afraid it would be embedded in my brain and not phase me during the movie, but I was wrong. Music is used in the right places almost all the time. I say “almost” because of one scene, the only part I felt was somewhat corny, where Dan and Laurie have sex on the Owlship. The music is “Hallelujah” (I don't know the artist, but it's that song from that part in Shrek). Because Dan and Laurie's scenes in Chapter VII are rushed a bit, it almost felt like a drawn-out or needless sex scene rather than the culmination of their relationship. Almost, but not quite.

The Mars scenes are clearly shortened a bit. Malin Ackerman as Laurie is the weakest link of the cast as I always predicted. She's not bad, but not the best Laurie possible. Speaking of being the best possible character, Jackie Earle Haley might as well change his legal name to Walter Kovacs, because he was born to be Rorschach. Patrick Wilson was a great Dan and I can't think of anyone who would be better in the role. Billy Crudup was a perfect Dr. Manhattan, and his voice was not “too quiet” as I was afraid it would be from clips released before the movie. He sounds perfectly disconnected and careless. Jeffrey Dean Morgan is a wonderful Blake and he steals the show in most of his scenes. As my favorite character, I always had my own Adrian voice and my own preconceived notions of his demeanor, so I was always afraid, even before Matthew Goode was cast, that I wouldn't be able to like his character in the movie, but I was wrong. He comes off as a saddened man looking at a bleak future, just as he should. Even though the infamous “asshole smile” scene itself is not in the movie verbatim, there are plenty of other pefect moments where he acts smug and arrogant, taking the world's problems upon himself.

Anyway, back to the story. After Mars things start to pick up again. The confrontation at Karnak is perfect as Adrian explains everything; he really feels like he has to do this to save the world. Everything is played straight to the perfect climax where Adrian reveals he triggered it thirty-five minutes ago. Wait, triggered it? Yes, this infamous line change is in the movie, but it's no big deal. “Triggered it,” “did it,” it's not a huge issue, especially since the fantastic destruction of New York City happens immediately afterwards. I spotted the Bernies, and they're confirmed to have more scenes during the director's cut. As directly unimportant as they are, I hope the other minor New York characters have at least a line of dialogue or two in the extended cut. It helps drive home that Adrian killed real people with real lives and not faceless puppets. The notorious change that everyone and their mother has bitched about for five months straight works perfectly; the new “weapon” has a very sufficient backstory weaved throughout the movie so it doesn't feel shoehorned in. After this the final chapter plays out mostly the same as the book. Rorschach's death scene was very moving. There's an interesting addition to the ending which I can tell was demanded by the studio. It actually felt like it worked within the movie's more fleshed out relationships between certain characters and is much better than the horrid alternative present in many earlier scripts of the movie. After this everything happens mostly the same as the book's ending, and then...it was over. Two and a half plus hours flew by.

In conclusion, I thought this was pretty much the best Watchmen adaptation there could possibly be. Again, it's difficult for me to thoroughly critique the movie without seeing it a second time to actually “watch” and not just “see” it. If there's one thing that truly “hurts” the movie, it's the addition of nods to the fans that serve no other story role, like Bubastis, which could have been removed or sent to the director's cut bin instead of other scenes. I very eagerly await the director's cut, which will be 3 hours and 10 minutes (the cut with Tales of the Black Freighter will be 3 hours and ~30 minutes), as I know the pacing issues will be resolved with just a bit more substance. All in all, I give Watchmen a 9.5/10, with the safe knowledge that I can give it that perfect score when I've seen everything I'm supposed to.

Upcoming Games of Interest, volume 7 (March 2009)

The following is a list of games I have some interest in that are being released in 2009. Games marked in bold are definite buys, while games not marked in bold require waiting to see if they will be good or not.

Watchmen: The End is Nigh (3/4/09) PC, Xbox Live Arcade, Playstation Store
Pokemon Platinum (3/22/09) DS
Nintendo DSi (4/5/09) DS
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (11/09) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
Metroid Prime (2009) Wii
Metroid Prime 2: Echoes (2009) Wii
LostMagic Wii (2009) Wii
StarCraft II: Wings of Liberty (2009) PC
APB (2009) PC
MAG: Massive Action Game (2009) Playstation 3
StarCraft II: Heart of the Swarm (TBA) PC
StarCraft II: Legacy of the Void (TBA) PC
Star Wars: Battlefront III (Possibly cancelled) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3, Wii
Timesplitters 4 (Possibly cancelled) Xbox 360, Playstation 3, Wii

Master Chief Sucks at Constants

Master Chief Sucks at Time Travel

Upcoming Games of Interest, volume 6 (February 2009)

The following is a list of games I have some interest in that are being released in 2009. Games marked in bold are definite buys, while games not marked in bold require waiting to see if they will be good or not.

Watchmen: The End is Nigh (3/4/09) PC, Xbox Live Arcade, Playstation Store
Pokemon Platinum (3/22/09) DS
Nintendo DSi (Rumored Q2 2009) DS
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (11/09) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
Metroid Prime (2009) Wii
Metroid Prime 2: Echoes (2009) Wii
LostMagic Wii (2009) Wii
StarCraft II: Wings of Liberty (2009) PC
APB (2009) PC
MAG: Massive Action Game (2009) Playstation 3
StarCraft II: Heart of the Swarm (TBA) PC
StarCraft II: Legacy of the Void (TBA) PC
Star Wars: Battlefront III (Possibly cancelled) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3, Wii
Timesplitters 4 (Possibly cancelled) Xbox 360, Playstation 3, Wii

Master Chief Minisodes Press Releases

"Master Chief Minisode 1: Chad Warden" – The King recruits a new villain to his cause: the irritating Youtube fanboy Chad Warden. "Master Chief Minisodes" stars AT&T Rich as the King and Microsoft Sam as Master Chief. Guest starring are Chad Warden as himself and James Rolfe as the Angry Video Game Nerd. (July 5, 2008)

"Master Chief Minisode 2: Angry Video Game Nerd" – The King convinces the famous Angry Video Game Nerd to join his elite team of villains. "Master Chief Minisodes" stars AT&T Rich as the King and Microsoft Sam as Master Chief. Guest starring are James Rolfe as the Angry Video Game Nerd, Talkany Man as Tom Cruise, and Chris Hansen as himself. (July 23, 2008)

"Master Chief Minisode 3: Chris Hansen" – The King employs Chris Hansen of Dateline NBC's "To Catch a Predator" to frame Master Chief for owning child porn. "Master Chief Minisodes" stars AT&T Rich as the King and Microsoft Sam as Master Chief. Guest starring are Chris Hansen as himself, Talkany Nerd as Jack Thompson, and Audacity Charles as Barack Obama. (August 1, 2008)

"Master Chief Minisode 4: Barack Obama" – The King learns that Barack Obama has infiltrated the prison and is trying to help Master Chief. "Master Chief Minisodes" stars AT&T Rich as the King and Microsoft Sam as Master Chief. Guest starring are Audacity Charles as Barack Obama, Talkany Nerd as Jack Thompson, Talkany Man as Tom Cruise, AT&T Christine as Intruder Alarm, and AT&T Crystal as Hillary Clinton. (August 11, 2008)

"Master Chief Minisode 5: Hillary Clinton" – The King meets Hillary Clinton, a dangerous new character with her own agenda who may be friend or foe. "Master Chief Minisodes" stars AT&T Rich as the King and Microsoft Sam as Master Chief. Guest starring are AT&T Crystal as Hillary Clinton, Audacity Charles as Barack Obama, Chad Warden as himself, James Rolfe as the Angry Video Game Nerd, Chris Hansen as himself, Talkany Nerd as Jack Thompson, Talkany Man as Tom Cruise, and Microsoft Mary as Cortana. (August 25, 2008)

Master Chief Sucks at Ordering: Season 1 Press Releases

"Master Chief Sucks at Ordering McDonalds" – Master Chief is a rude, vulgar, unhelpful soldier who attempts to teach viewers about the finer parts of life...like eating at McDonalds! Join Master Chief in the first episode of this exciting new series! "Master Chief Sucks at Ordering" stars Microsoft Sam as Master Chief and Talkany Big Robot as CATS. (October 3, 2007)

"Master Chief Sucks at Ordering at Restaurants" – Master Chief teaches viewers about ordering food from restaurants and other important details about fine dining. "Master Chief Sucks at Ordering" stars Microsoft Sam as Master Chief and Talkany Big Robot as CATS. (October 17, 2007)

"Master Chief Sucks at Ordering Finales" – Master Chief gathers an army to fend off CATS and stop the cancellation of Super Smash Bros. Brawl! "Master Chief Sucks at Ordering" stars Microsoft Sam as Master Chief and Talkany Big Robot as CATS. Guest starring are Talkany Strong Man as Ridley, Talkany Fly as Ganondorf, LH Michelle as Samus Aran, CD-i King as Link, CD-i Mario as himself, and Mama Luigi as himself. (October 26, 2007)

"Master Chief vs Jack Thompson" – Master Chief faces off against the dangerous lawyer Jack Thompson, who wishes to block the release of Halo 3 and all other violent video games. "Master Chief Sucks at Ordering" stars Microsoft Sam as Master Chief and Talkany Big Robot as CATS. Guest starring are Talkany Nerd as Jack Thompson, LH Michelle as Newswoman, and Talkany Old Woman as Judge. (December 7, 2007)

"Master Chief vs Scientology" – Master Chief returns to combat a new threat: the dangerous Church of Scientology. "Master Chief Sucks at Ordering" stars Microsoft Sam as Master Chief, LH Michael as the Arbiter, and Talkany Big Robot as CATS. Guest starring are AT&T Charles as L. Ron Hubbard, Talkany Martian as Xenu, AT&T Mike as Anonymous, Talkany Little Man as Recruiting Scientologist, and Talkany Imaginary Man as Prison Guard. (April 11, 2008)

"Master Chief Sucks at Online Dating" – Master Chief teaches viewers about using online dating websites and how to make yourself look good for the ladies. "Master Chief Sucks at Ordering" stars Microsoft Sam as Master Chief, LH Michael as the Arbiter, and Talkany Big Robot as CATS. (April 25, 2008)

"Master Chief Sucks at Making Videos" – Master Chief teaches viewers how to make videos like his own in this "behind the scenes" special. "Master Chief Sucks at Ordering" stars Microsoft Sam as Master Chief, LH Michael as the Arbiter, and Talkany Big Robot as CATS. Guest starring is AT&T Charles as L. Ron Hubbard. (May 9, 2008)

"Master Chief Sucks at Remakes" – Master Chief's first adventure remade with better audio. "Master Chief Sucks at Ordering" stars Microsoft Sam as Master Chief, LH Michael as the Arbiter, and Talkany Big Robot as CATS. (May 19, 2008)

"Master Chief: The Finale (Parts 1 and 2)" – Master Chief prepares for the ultimate showdown against evil in the exciting season 1 climax! As CATS readies his forces, an elite team of heroes challenges him in a battle of good vs evil! "Master Chief Sucks at Ordering" stars Microsoft Sam as Master Chief, LH Michael as the Arbiter, and Talkany Big Robot as CATS. Guest starring are Talkany Nerd as Jack Thompson, AT&T Charles as L. Ron Hubbard, Talkany Man as Tom Cruise, Talkany Woman as Samus Aran, LH Michelle as Newswoman, and AT&T Rich as the leader. (May 23, 2008)

Watchmen Widget

Master Chief vs the Superweapon

Upcoming Games of Interest, volume 5 (January 2009)

The following is a list of games I have some interest in that are being released in 2009. Games marked in bold are definite buys, while games not marked in bold require waiting to see if they will be good or not.

The Lord of the Rings: Conquest (1/13/09) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
Pokemon Platinum (3/22/09) DS
Watchmen: The End is Nigh (3/09) PC, Xbox Live Arcade, Playstation Store
Nintendo DSi (Rumored Q2 2009) DS
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (11/09) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3
Metroid Prime (2009) Wii
Metroid Prime 2: Echoes (2009) Wii
LostMagic Wii (2009) Wii
StarCraft II: Wings of Liberty (2009) PC
APB (2009) PC
MAG: Massive Action Game (2009) Playstation 3
StarCraft II: Heart of the Swarm (TBA) PC
StarCraft II: Legacy of the Void (TBA) PC
Star Wars: Battlefront III (Possibly cancelled) PC, Xbox 360, Playstation 3, Wii
Timesplitters 4 (Possibly cancelled) Xbox 360, Playstation 3, Wii